No, I Don’t Understand

A lot of people in my life seem to be under the misconception that regardless of what they do or don’t do, what they say or how they behave, I will always understand and everything will just be okay.

I’m sure I’ve given this impression, by wanting to ‘not rock the boat’ when things go wrong. When my feelings are hurt I tend to ’stuff’ my feelings, choke them down and not address what’s caused me pain with the people around me.

The only people I feel comfortable being completely open with about how things affect me are my husband and my Godson. In every other situation, if I have tried to express my emotions or feelings in regard to something said or done that I found to be hurtful, the person has always turned it around on me, suggesting I expect too much from them or my ’standards’ in regard to relationships are too high, or some other commentary designed to shift responsibility onto me.

I’ve been on so many guilt trips I have frequent flyer miles!

While I may not always speak up about things that bother me, when friends or family disregard my feelings or treat me as less than a person deserving of respect, that should not be perceived as accepting such treatment or ‘understanding’ the insensitivity of others.

Any relationship should be based on mutual respect. If one expects or demands respect from others, they should be prepared to treat others accordingly.

When I speak up for myself, others have a tendency to accuse me of being selfish. How does one strike a balance between caring for their own interests and needs and reaching out to those around them?

I think it’s important for us to always remember that just because someone doesn’t respond in a negative or aggressive manner, that shouldn’t be confused with ‘understanding’ the insensitivity or circumstances of others.