The “Helpless” Youth of Today

A good friend and I were having a conversation yesterday that really made me think…
My friend is 56 years young, I am 45 and it would seem we have a great deal in common, both in how we were raised, our family dynamics, etc. and our memories of what was important and of value ‘back in the day’ are similar. It was great chatting with her, but soberingly eye opening as well.

We discussed the youth of today, the differences in the way kids are being raised, think and behave, etc. She said something that really struck me… “my generation has really dropped the ball.”

When we were chatting, I commented about being 8 years old and having to do housework, help cook, do dishes, mow the yard, etc. I was taught early that it was my responsibility as part of my family, to help out, do my part, that the family was supposed to be like a ‘team’. Even though my family was terribly dysfunctional and violent, there were good values that came through and stayed with me, that I try to instill in my own child.

While talking, we shared that we both know “20 somethings” that don’t know how to cook, use a washing machine, etc. We talked about how many young people are still living at home or return to their parents’ homes because they fail. It is a sad state of affairs, when we have raised kids who’ve never had responsibilities within their families. How can we possibly expect them to succeed?

In this way, I absolutely agree with my friend, the parents of these kids really let them down, dropped the ball, didn’t take seriously their responsibility to mentor their children. What kind of adults are these 20 somethings? What kind of parents will they be? If they have no skills, how will they teach their children any skills?

When we were talking I shared that as a teenager I was expected to have a hot meal on the table when my mother got home from work, I did the laundry, housework, washed the dishes, did all the yard work and looked after my younger sister every day after school and on weekends, while being expected to sustain honor roll grades. In the summers I worked detasseling corn for a local farmer and mowed two other lawns for elderly neighbors. As a preteen, I was sent to my Grandparents’ house twice, once to care for my Grandmother after she fell and broke her hip (as my Grandfather was disabled in a wheelchair), I washed her wound, made breakfast, cleaned the house, etc.; and a second time when my Grandfather became terribly ill, I spent nights in their house in case anything happened to him while my Grandmother worked. He passed away as a result of that illness.

When I left home, I had been planning to, but on a Saturday night I was told I was to be gone by noon the next day. I knew I could not ever go back, that was made very clear.
I used to resent my mother for being so harsh and hateful, but realized later in life, as most of us do, the advantage of being forced to be independent, self-sufficient and having learned all those skills.

My own son is a special needs child, I would not ever force him to leave home, but I will encourage him to have his own apartment, his own life independent of ours and I am teaching him the life skills he needs to have to succeed, should he want that for himself. He is a member of the family, disability or not, therefore has responsibilities within the family. He’s learning to cook, does his own laundry, helps with the pets, doing basic housework, etc. He works 2 days a week at the local hospital and is doing a summer work program this summer. He WILL be prepared!

I have often said I think it’s sad that we have abandoned so many of the values and responsibilities of generations past. We have truly lost something in this ‘hurry up’, ‘do more’, ’self-involved’ world we live in now.

Thanks to my friend, who spent so much time talking about such important things with me, it’s good to find someone who understands the way you feel and think, I sometimes feel like an alien as friends tell me how differently they think/feel about those days in our not so distant past.